GEMINI: A statue of you will soon be erected in the small Turkish village of Geki Kizi. What have you been doing?
CANCER: Your room will soon be filled with rumpus
LEO: We are never prepared for what we expect
VIRGO: Was that you?
LIBRA: Apathy will be your shield. Again.
SCORPIO: Everyone you meet is a modified monkey.
SAGITARIUS: Relax, reality is frequently inaccurate
CAPRICORN: You’ve been tagged and released
AQUARIUS: Your lucky smell this month will be familiar
PISCES: You’ll get sauce on that top for sure.
ARIES: Your happy place this month will be vague
TAURUS: People will soon mistake you for someone else. They might be right.